The loss of a valued family pet

Growing up my dad always had German Shorthaired Pointers for hunting.  These dogs were more than just working dogs, they were also the family pet.  When I was a fifth grader we lived along the Highway North of Chanute, my parents owned and operated a 24 hour truck stop.  One morning early and before the school bus arrived, Coco had escaped from her outside dog kennel and got hit by a car and was killed.  I was devastated.  I went on to school, but was so upset that I was disruptive to the class.  I remember my teacher telling me that there was no need to be so upset over a dog!  I had a strong dislike for that teacher after that.

Anyone who considers a pet a beloved friend, companion, or family member knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss of that friend. Following are some tips on coping with that grief, and with the difficult decisions one faces upon the loss of a pet.


Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. Don't let anyone tell you that it's silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve! Your pet was a significant and constant part of your life; a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don't be surprised if you feel devastated by the loss of such a relationship. People who don't understand the pet/owner bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel. Don't let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely painful. Remember, you are not alone, there are many pet owners that have shared the same feelings.


The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt. Only by examining and coming to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them.

You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved has died, and you feel alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify them.

Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don't try to avoid grief by not thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help you understand what your pet's loss actually means to you.

Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in the times you would have spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.  A few years ago when I lost my dear Cookie, I rummaged through my picture box and found lots of pictures of Cookie with the family and other dogs in our home.  I bought a picture box and hung it on the picture wall of our family that goes up along our stairway.


If your family or friends love pets, they'll understand what you're going through. Don't hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong and calm! Working through your feelings with another person is one of the best ways to put them in perspective and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone you feel comfortable crying and grieving with.  In my clinic, we invite our grieving clients to share their pet stories and pictures with us.  Each of us at the Animal Care Center has lost pets and understand your loss.

I celebrate the bond that animals share in my life.  Each has left a lasting paw print on me, that has help shaped the person I have become and the person I continue to grow into.