The Bittersweet Emotions of a Service Dog Puppy Raiser

January, 2010, I became an official Puppy Raiser for Kansas Service Dog Organization (http://www.ksds.org/).  They put in my arms this wiggly yellow lab puppy, Meade, and I assumed the role of her mother and teacher. 

During these past two years I have (along with help from family and ACC family) worked teaching Meade how to be a good canine citizen; house training, crate training, sit, down, stay, leave it, no, off (something we all still hear in our sleep), give it, bring it, wait, touch it, drop it, come, here-up, go up, etc.  Meade has shared my work every day, attended ball games, fireworks, fishing, farm chores, family gatherings, evenings out to dinner, lunches, trips to the grocery store, parades, visits to schools, concerts, doctor and dentist office.  She has been my constant companion.  We play ball until my arm aches, we walk 2-5 miles at least 3 times a week.  Meade has stolen and eaten at least half of my last two birthday cakes, ate a book I was reading, rummaged through the trash cans, discovered that the muddier the water hole the more fun she can have.  

It has been an adventure and learning process (for me and Meade) that I wouldn't have missed for the world.   From that first day, when I brought her home from KSDS, I knew that she wasn't mine for long.  I knew that one day she would be going back to her KSDS home to learn more about her job as a service dog and to meet, bond and help a new parent.  She was destined for special things.  

I knew, when the time came for her to move forward in her career, that I was going to miss her.  I just didn't know that I was going to start missing her even before she had left.  This past week, KSDS has notified me that it is time for Meade to leave for college.  Since,  I have been filled with ambivalence about  her return to KSDS on February 25th.  One moment I am extremely proud to be a part of something greater than myself, proud to watch her while she works and plays, proud in knowing that I have played a role in what she is to yet become; the next I am worried that I have taught her what she needs to know in order to succeed in her work, worried about how she will miss us, distraught over how we will miss her.  

I told myself from the beginning, she was not mine to keep, she would be leaving one day for a greater good.  I believed that this would prepare me mentally and emotionally for that day when it arrived.  I was wrong.  Instead, I look at her, my chest full of pride, my eyes full of tears and my heart heavy with selfishly longing to keep her near.  

Just as I let go of my daughters when they became young women; so that they may continue to learn, grow and lead a life independent of their mother, I will let go of Meade.  I know that time will heal my woeful heart and leave behind some wonderful memories and always a sense of great pride for what she will offer in companionship and assistance to a disable person that desperately needed someone just like MEADE!